Remove the Word "Don't" from Your Vocabulary

Have you noticed how children's brains gloss right over the word "don't."

You say, "Don't touch the hot stove."

Your toddler hears "Touch the hot stove."

You say, "Don't cross the road."

Your preschooler hears "Cross the road."

You say, "Don't hit your brother."

Guess what your child does? He whacks his brother across the head.

Typical "parent talk" is loaded with negative words; don't, stop, quit that, knock it off, cut it out ...

Yet, the more the negative words are used, the weaker in meaning they become. Our children tend to just tune us out the negative words.

Children often learn limits better if parents tell a child what to do, rather than what not to do.

Instead of.... "Don't touch the hot stove"
Try.... "The stove is hot. It could hurt if you touch it."

Instead of.... "Don't cross the road"
Try.... "Play in the yard, not in the street."

Instead of.... "Don't hit your brother"
Try.... "Talk to your brother and tell him what you want."

Changing communications will take some practice but the effort will pay off. Try it and see.

The Compliment Sandwich

As much as we try to focus on the positive aspects of our children, there are times when we need to offer a critique. If you have an ADHD child, you likely also have a long "laundry list" of actions and behaviors that could be improved upon. Yet, pointing out only what they do wrong can be a huge mistake. Often, the child will shut down and tune out and none of your helpful hints will penetrate the wall they put up to avoid the sting from your criticism.

The Compliment Sandwich is an effective method of delivering critiques. The Compliment Sandwich is best used with the smaller, day to day issues.

Here are the basics of a Compliment Sandwich;
- Clearly identify the issue that needs improvement.
- Think of something they do very well related to the situation.
- Choose another positive point to remark on. This should be very loosely related to the above point.
- Deliver the first compliment.
- Clearly address the improvement you would like to see.
- Finish with the last compliment.

Criticism wrapped in compliments takes out the sting and opens the door for sincere communication.